hi ho, hi ho

I realized something about myself today that a) scared me, b) upset me, and c) created a need for change within me. I had to work today…ON A SATURDAY! it was the proverbial “pits.” I spent today from 7am til 4pm hauling sheets of metal from point a to point b, trying out my skills with a hammer, and fetching this or that for my fellow workers – you know, typical construction stuff. now, to the point of this rant, my dad opted to hire several day laborers to come join us today (day laborer = hired help, typically not skilled). one guy in particular challenged my nerves continually from about 10 this morning til 3:30 this afternoon. it started with little things like standing in the way of something, then to more irritating matters like mumbling things under his breath (one time about my brother). at the end of the day, he decided to complain 1,873 times about wanting to leave the job. he even went and stood at the gate instead of helping us finish out what we were doing. when beckoned to come and help, he begrudgingly obliged, only to do the complete opposite of what he was told to do three times and, in doing so, yelled at my good friend (brandon hageman) because he was doing the job the right way. i found myself today so annoyed at this man, even enough to complain about him to my fiance, even enough to write a blog entry about him. now, WHY? a) scared me – i have let an individual upset me this much in one day’s work…and i wanna go into ministry?!?!?! this scares me. b) upset me – i am sitting here in my living room utterly disappointed in myself because God’s love was nowhere to be found in me today in regards to that man. i only wonder what God is thinking right now? “love is easy”…it’s the cool thing to do now…let love rule. everybody love one another. love – it’s this year’s “Jesus is my homeboy.” but where is it? i know where it wasn’t, at my jobsite today, and that is upsetting. c) created a need for change in me – i still have so much to learn. typical – learn love, like it’s a karate class. what i meant was, i still have to much to GROW! so many things yet to be surrendered to God. so many issues still lacking in self-control. so many areas in my life of weakness. the bad news is – what happened today. but praise God that there is good news too. the good news is i should get a chance tomorrow to love this man; not ok i’ll be nice today love this man. and not i feel bad for yesterday i’ll try and do better love this man. genuinely loving a person. crazy concept?! authentic love for another human being. this process has already begun in my heart…i have realized that eric sebastian is in no way any better than random day laborer man. how cool is our God?! i believe this guy will be back at work tomorrow. thank God for grace and 2nd chances. and praise Him that there are still opportunities for change. Leviticus 19:18 – “Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD.”

Eric

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